


Sweet Kiss, Bitter Breath (My Love For You Is Killing Me Inside)

by Alexandra_Ace_Dorothy



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Javert almost die, M/M, Madeleine Era, One-Sided Attraction, Or does it? :), hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 19:45:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11584929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexandra_Ace_Dorothy/pseuds/Alexandra_Ace_Dorothy
Summary: He had heard about it in prison when he was still a child. He had heard about it from the women on the streets. Whispered like a secret. Quiet and unknown by most people. The story about a young maiden and her one-side love for a soldier. The tragic death caused flowers that filled her lungs. The disease called "Hanahaki" , the illness born from unrequited love where the patient throws up and coughs flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.Javert started coughing out white flower petals.





	Sweet Kiss, Bitter Breath (My Love For You Is Killing Me Inside)

**Author's Note:**

> The entire story about where Hanahaki disease come from in this fanfic is made up by me. I couldn't find the original story about it :(

1/

Lately Javert didn't feel well. He resisted the urge to loosen the stock on his neck while patrolling through the streets. Montreuil - sur - mer was entering winter, which mean the weather was going to get colder. So he blamed the wind and the chill of the night for his current discomfort. Yes, must be nothing more than some silly flu. A cup of tea and a nice sleep would cure it quickly.

A familiar silhouette across the street slowly made his way toward him. It was the mayor! It seemed like Monsieur Madeleine was on his way home after his alms - giving, as usual. There was always something about his mayor that made Javert's heart beating faster and acting like some silly schoolboy in front of his crush. That was why the inspector choose to be formal with the man all the time, not that he was good with conversation or attempt to be friendly anyway. Javert refuseed to think about his emotions toward the mayor as something more than respect. It was just his admiration for his superior, nothing more, nothing less.

"Monsieur l'inspecteur! Good evening!" The man said in such a cheerful voice, almost as he was glad to meet a friend. Javert bow back, already feeling some kind of warmth spreading inside his chest. He cursed himself for feeling like that every time he met the mayor, there was nothing between them to make him feel this way. Nothing at all.

"Good evening, Monsieur le maire."

"Have you finish your patrol?" Madeleine asked, and Javert throat itched. He forced the non-exist cough down his throat, and answer the mayor's question with a flat tone. "I'm almost done. Is there anything you need, monsieur?"

Madeleine smiled shyly, and somehow that sight alone could make Javert felt his heart was beating like crazy. That is, if his throat wasn't itching to the point it started to make him felt a little sore. Damn it! He was perfectly fine two minutes ago and now he was starting to wonder if he had gotten a flu.

"I was wondering if you could walk back home with me? Of course, that is if you don't have anything too important."

"I would gladly, monsieur."

They quietly walked back to Madeleine's home. Javert's throat was still itching, but since he didn't talk it had gotten a little better. Although he desperately wanted to talk with the mayor, but he had never been a good conversationalist. So he chose to stay quiet.

They stopped at Madeleine's front door, and the mayor bid his goodbye. A warm hand placed on Javert shoulder and a soft "goodnight". There was something soft and almost lovingly flashing in the mayor's eyes before it quickly concealed. Javert too, was about to said goodnight to the man, but his throat was too sore to say anything. So he nodded his head and turned his back to the mayor. He walked until he could no longer see Madeleine, and just then he let out a string of coughs. There was something stuck in his throat, and as he was coughing, the lump slowly moved up. Until the itching stopped and Javert stared at his palm in pure horror.

A white flower petal.

Why on earth was he coughing out _flower_?

2/

He had heard about it in prison when he was still a child. He had heard about it from the women on the streets. Whispered like a secret. Quiet and unknown by most people. The story about a young maiden and her one-side love for a noble. The tragic death with flowers filled her lungs. The disease called "Hanahaki", the illness born from unrequited love where the patient would throw up and cough out flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. In order to fully recover from the disease, one’s love must be fulfilled. You can die from this disease by the flower petals blocking your airways and restricting respiration.

He quickly walked home with a furry. This couldn't be happening! The story is just a myth, and the disease is just fiction. There was no way he could have Hanahaki.

But what about the _petal_?

That damn flower petal, he cursed. Could it be a cruel prank or an accident, a flower petal was on his palm after he finished coughing? But the itch in his throat almost disappeared completely after he coughed out that thing. No! It still could be a coincidence. And a coincidence it would be!

The inspector poured himself a hot cup of tea, wishing for the soreness in his throat to lessen. And then after a whole lot of hot tea, his throat would still refuse to obey his wish, he climbed on his bed, curled up and forced himself to sleep. Hoped tomorrow it will be better. He drifted off, his dream was filled with Madeleine's image. His rough yet gentle hands. His cheerful voice. His beautiful smile. Javert could almost convince himself he was fine.

He wasn't.

Javert woke up in the middle of the night with violent coughs. His throat felt like there was something stuffed inside it. He couldn't breath, it was too hurt! Too painful! His lungs burned while trying to take more oxygen through whatever stucked in it. He could feel his tears ran down his cheeks. And then finally, the coughing stop. Javert closed his eyes, he didn't want to look at the bed sheet.

He knew there would be white flower petals on it.

When the sunlight came through the curtain of Javert's room, he found himself already awaken. He couldn't sleep, and this was worse than a fever. His head hurt from staying up the whole night and his lungs were aching like he just got drowned in the Seine. Every breath hurts. Even swallow his own saliva was difficult. But whatever the flowers in his lungs was, he was glad it didn't have thorns or he sure he would be dying to rip out his throat by now.

But still, it was a new day. He needed to get up, get dress, and be on his way to the post. He wouldn't let a silly disease keep him from fulfill his duty. So Javert got out of his bed, made himself ready, then went to the post. His throat was still sore like hell, but at least it wasn't as bad as the night before. By the end of the day, the inspector could almost pretend he was fine, the soreness didn't exist and he could give his daily report to the mayor without too much of discomfort shows in his voice. So he went outside, on his way to the mayor's factory.

And just as the image of Madeline flashed through his mind, Javert violently coughed. He bended over in half, desperately used his hands to covered his mouth. Blood started to come out from his mouth, stained his white gloves. This time, he coughed out a whole flower. He instantly gone pale when he looked at his palm. It was a _daffodil_. A white daffodil with its petals soaked with his blood.

The flower of _unrequited love_.

3/

_Once upon a time, there was a young maiden. She had fallen in love with a soldier pass by her village. A gentleman with charming smiles. But her love was one - side, for the gentleman has already had a wife back home. Still, her love for the man was continue growing and it became a flower. Unfortunately, the flower grown inside her heart. And as it was growing, she was slowly suffocated. The maiden started to coughed out petals, beautiful but drenched in her crimson blood. And then as her love continue to flourish, so did the flowers inside her chest. Every breath was painful as there were thorns inside her throat. Every word was left unsaid because the petals had blocked her voice. Her love was slowly killing her from inside. Eventually she died with her lungs full of flowers and her love unreciprocated. People called her illness with the name:"Hanahaki", or in his language: The Flower Disease._

Javert didn't go to the factory.

He couldn't even if he wanted to, for to go there is to see Madeleine. Javert couldn't stand his gentle gestures without coughing his lungs out for sure. And when he did that, no doubt the mayor would be worry, and ask if he was okay. Javert would try to say he was fine, only to fail miserably and bend himself in half coughing. By now he had understanded, the pain in his chest was caused by the mayor he admired. He was literally dying from his crush on the man.

A fitting punishment for wanting what he couldn't have, Javert bitterly thought.

So instead of going to the factory, the inspector sent one of his men to deliver a letter to explain his absence for the mayor. He walked back to his house. It was until he laid down on his bed, Javert could curl himself up and coughed his lungs out. His throat burned, everything was so painful. He could even taste the taste of copper on his tongue. More blood spilled on the white sheet, along with the daffodils. He couldn't stop. God know how much he wanted this to stop!

"Javert? Are you okay?"

Javert's coughs stopped, or he tried to swallow them down. Why was Madeleine here!? He had sent his message, surely his man had sent it to him by now. In there was all of his report for today. And he was sure monsieur le maire wouldn't left his letter unread. Why did the mayor come!?

Damn the mayor and his goodness!

"Yes! I'm fine, monsieur. Please don't worry about me. Just a mere fever."

"But you don't sound fine at all. Can I come in, please?"

He was about to politely refused until he could feel the need to cough crawling out from his throat. Javert ended up coughing out more flowers and blood. It hurt! It hurt to hear Monsieur Madeleine's gentle concerns in his voice! It hurt to think the man actually care about him!

It hurt to feel the smallest touch of love from the man he could never have.

"Javert? Javert! Are you sure you are fine!?"

"Yes! Now GO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He didn't mean to scream, but the presence of the mayor made him breathless. What a cruel joke of Fate. Dying because of the sight of his love.

After a moment of uncertain silent, Javert could finally heard the light footsteps. The mayor was leaving. He ignored the disappointment threatened that bubbled inside his heart. Yes, this was for the best. Tomorrow he would apologize.

He sighed, feeling another cough coming. If only he could stop feeling this way.

4/

His apologies for Madeline never came.

Instead, Javert found himself unable to move from his bed. There was no strength left in his body. He felt like he just got ran over by a horse several time, and the coughing has became more frequently. His white sheet now stained with ugly streaks of dry and fresh blood. He was dying. He wondered how much time he got left.

Suddenly his room's door opened. To his surprise and horror, the one came through was no one other than the mayor himself. Javert tried to sit up and greet him properly but before he could do that, a pair of gentle hands had put on his forehead. Monsieur Madeleine frowned.

"Just as I thought, this is no silly fever!"

Javert was too weak to push him away, so he asked, "Monsieur, how can you- "

"Your landlady let me in. She said your coughing haven't stop from last night. I brought a doctor. "

Damn his overly concern landlady, Javert cursed inside his head. She could leave him dying in peace.

"Doctor, please come in."

A young man came in. Blond, a little tall, quite pale, and his eyes made Javert felt uneasy despite his friendly smile. He shuddered. Why did the doctor look like Death in disguise to him?

"Monsieur l'inspecteur, I'm Doctor Killian Bloodington. If you don't mind, I want to do a quick check to find the cause of your condition. Don't worry sir. I might look young but I guarantee you, my skills are as good as the best doctors in this country."

Javert wanted to refused Monsieur Madeleine kindness, but another violent cough interrupted him. Madeleine was now looking at him with fierce determination in his eyes. "Please don't resist Javert," he said, "I can't afford to loose a policeman like you."

Oh how his heart filled with sweet delicious pride and his lungs full of flowers!

Javert couldn't hold it in, he coughed and coughed and coughed. His blood redden the mayor's clean gloves. Daffodils filled his lap. His head rested on the mayor broad shoulder, too tired to push himself out of Madeleine's warm embrace. He starting to loose focus on his surrounding. His eyes were too blurred to see anything clearly, and his ears were starting to not do its funtion properly.  
The doctor noticed this, and asked with pity, " _Hanahaki_? Oh Inspector, who is making you dying like this?"

The mayor looked at the young doctor, confused. He asked," What do you mean doctor? Javert was poisoned?"

"No, Monsieur le maire. Hanahaki, or The Flower Disease, is a bizarre disease. It borns from one side love. You see, the patient's unrequited love will grow flowers, filling their lungs until they die because of their airway was blocked, leading to a fatal suffocation."

"Is there a way to cure this!?"

"Yes. I can perform surgery to remove the flowers, but the feeling will disappear along with the petals. And I must warn you, it's a risk. Very few people could fully become normal after the surgery. Almost all of them lost the ability to love. That's why not many people chooses the surgery."

If Javert could see clearly, he surely would see the mayor face filled with sadness. Madeleine hugged him closer, almost like he was afraid Javert will disappear if he let go of his hands. Fragile, like the daffodils in his lap. The mayor asked with a broken voice. Was he... crying? And why?

"Is there any other way? More safe and left no aftereffects?"

"If the one he loves love him back, then his disease will be cured. But the hope is slim. After all, this is the disease born from one side love."

Yes, the mayor was clearly crying. Javert could feel warm tears on his face although his eyes were shut. He leaned in Madeleine's warmth more, a thing he would never dare to do if he was still conscious. But he was not. He was dying, there was no doubt. Maybe he would have till tomorrow morning. But it already felt so tempting to give in, to die in the sweet, sweet embrace of the men he love but could never have.

"Let me talk to him, if he agree to surgery I will let you know."

The doctor nodded, then head back to wait outside the door. Madeleine was still holding him, desperate and broken voice asked.

"Who is it Javert? Who makes you so miserable?"

More coughs. More blood. More petals. No answer.

"Tell me! Tell me Javert!", he heard the mayor said. Such a furious in his voice. And then his tone broke down to more sadness. "I can't loose you, please, don't do this..."

"You can't help me, monsieur. "

Javert laughed through his tears. He was crying too. Not because of the unbearable pain in his throat, nor the fact he was dying. Regrets bubbled inside him, crushing his senses. And before he could hold it back, confession spilled from his trembled lips.

"You can't. Because it's _you_."

God! It hurt to say that out loud. It hurt to picture the mayor shocked face. It hurt to remember, his love would never be returned. There was only silent after that. Javert was waiting for the man to let go of him, to walk out of that door and never look back. Yes, this was it. The end of his life. Dying in loneliness because of his sin. His biggest sin: Desire something he could never have.

He never expected Madeleine's lips crashing to his.

The first kiss was short and chaste, they barely touched their lips. Too much tension. The second kiss was much longer, with actual warmth passed into his cold body, brought him back to life. Literally! Javert could hear much clearly now, and he could see the mayor face was full of tears. Tears of concerns, of angry and of relief.

"You fool! Why didn't you say anything sooner! You could have die! Foolish inspector!"

"Monsieur le Mai-...."

"Yes, I love you too."

Four words. Four words from this man, this saint, were enough for him to feel much better. With a crazy thought, he shut his eyes, pulled Madeleine down for a third kiss. This time it was full of regret. Regret for wasting too much time denying himself of what he wanted.

Warmth and love and life once again filled back inside Javert. Sweeter than honey, much more addictive than any kind of drug. Javert couldn't tear himself away even if he wanted to, he would die if he stop. And good lord he didn't want to!

He clung on to the mayor, pulled him down with him. They laid on his bed, Madeleine looked down at him with a stupid happy grin. Javert's heart was beating like crazy inside his ribcage, filled with happy and joy. He felt so content. His arms raised up to hug the mayor neck as he breathed out a shy request "Please, don't go."

"I won't"

They kissed and kissed and didn't stop kissing until they started to loose their breath. Words turned into moans and whimpers as the mayor kissed down his neck, behind his ears, a very sensitive spot between his shoulder and neck. The buttons came off one by one until Javert found himself laying bare at Madeleine's eyes. His skin turned into a lovely red shade of embarrassment and lust. Blue eyes filled with desire to be marked by the man above him. As each kiss placed on his skin, he felt his heart beat more loudly. With each gentle gesture from the mayor hands, he felt his body slowly came back to life. He felt loved. He wanted more. Needed more. And Madeleine was more than happy to obey his wish.

Madeleine roamed his hands all over Javert's sensitive body, his mouth kissed every inch of skin he could find. Javert wanted to mark the man too. He pulled the mayor palm up and gently kissed it. Then each fingers. Madeleine moaned as Javert pulled his pointer to his hot and moist mouth, sucked at it. One became two. Then three. Until Madeleine pulled his fingers away. His hand came down, wrapped around the inspector's hardness, stroked it. Javert let out a breathless moan. He couldn't hold back any longer. His mind was going empty with all the pleasure.

"A-ah, m-monsieur ... uhm.."

"What do you want Javert? Tell me and I will give it to you."

It was embarrassing to admit how much he wanted Madeleine. He desired him with all of his heart and soul. Javert covered his flushed face, whispered softly.

"I want you."

And with that three simple words, his wish was granted. The mayor's love filled his heart until he could no longer bear it. He belonged to him, his body, mind and soul. And Javert would gladly accept that.

For the first time in his life, Javert felt complete.

\--------

The doctor sighed as he heard the inspector's moaning and the mayor's grunts. "Guessed they don't need me after all.", he chuckled quietly for himself.

The inspector was lucky enough for his love had been returned, unlike the girl in the story. Killian was glad he wouldn't have to witness another maiden die in despair. He could still remember her death. _Peonies flower bursted through her chest, beautiful and stained with her red blood on their petals. Red lips curved up into a eternity smile. Her cheeks were still pink as if she was still alive. Blue eyes fluttered shut, while her last light slowly faded away..._

The doctor's eyes turned from green to red. He could never understand, why human would choose death over forgetting their love. That maiden died, but she still glad she could keep her feelings for the soldier. Although her love was unrequited, still she let her peonies bloomed until it killed her. She would rather died with her love than live with no love at all.

Killian looked down at the daffodil in his hand, his finger traced each petals as gently as it can. A flashback of his fellow worker flashed through his brain. _"Death like us can't feel love.", she said as she played with her grey curls, "Only humans have the precious gift like that. It's trouble for us, but it's everything worth to die for for them."_

Death like him couldn't feel love. They would never fear a disease such as hanahaki. But in a brief moment he wondered, was it feel good to die with flowers bursting through your heart than to live forever without a taste of love? Red eyes shown a flash of sadness, until it turned back to the cold, emotionless green once again. He mumbled while leaving, "Silly creature...".

The daffodil tucked safe in his chest pocket, the Death could almost pretend like it had grown out of his empty heart....


End file.
